![]() ![]() His way was to push for that promotion, that salary raise, and then (and only then) did he feel that he would be able to enjoy the happiness that the extra financial security would provide. Tom made the fatal error that most stressed out high-performing fathers make.That being a parent and a husband often makes you put yourself aside. ![]() I told Tom that he was suffering from grief from making a poor choice – the loss being his dream of being a present loving dad had been buried under the weight of a career that he had worked so hard for 20 years to build. He was frustrated that he had created this monstrous career that he felt left him without any outlet to deal with his sense of loss. He had worked 14 hour days for 6 days a week during most of their daughter’s lives. His anger was being fueled by the fact that Tom secretly felt that he had had little or no active role or purpose in his wife and children lives anymore. I took an audit of Tom’s mental state ( find out more about this process here). My reaction to that resistance is to point out how much time money and frustration a mental breakdown, ill-health, or a separation and divorce and custody dispute will cost a father by comparison! So invest in yourself first. All of which are great, but none of which will do anything more than be a temporary escape from a man’s fundamental problems! By the same token, most men will invest in an expensive football season ticket, a new car or technology with giving it a second thought. This reaction is commonly the biggest hurdle that men have to overcome in dealing with fatherhood and emotional challenges. He initially felt angry that he had to ask for help, feeling like he was wasting time and money. I replied to his post privately last January to support him and to share some ideas - and he became a client of mine in the spring. I had no idea until I read that post that he was dealing with profound issues of anger and pain, realizing that he had been negatively unloading angry thoughts ad reactions onto his wife and three daughters, now aged 6, 10 and 13 years. He seemed to always be out and about on weekends, having exotic holidays and buying new tech and cars. ![]() Tom is a C-Level suite executive dad who works for one of the top 1000 law firms in the world, I’ve known him via social media for over 10 years. I could list these all day, but do you get the sad picture?
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